» Bloodmonger  Are you a marketing whiz seeking an opportunity in the corporeal biofluids industry? We are hiring and training entry-level bloodmongers to join our world-class team!

» Managing Director of Exsanguination Operations You've won that legal battle to drill in the wildlife refuge. You've successfully converted that natural waterway to a toxic industrial byproduct disposal system. You've managed to reduce production costs 85 percent by utilizing the power of five-year-old third-world children. Looking for that next professional challenge?

It's time to take it to the next level...Aren't you ready to extract genuine human blood? Come join our team and discover new challenges!

» Infant Motivational Speaker   Our infants are committed to producing superior-quality blood for our customers. And we're committed to helping our infants succeed! Even professional babies can be a little cranky sometimes. We're looking for dynamic, enthusiastic motivational specialists to inspire and energize our youngest employees using techniques geared toward a neonatal audience. From creating baby-oriented PowerPoint presentations at staff meetings, to diapertime pep talks, to coordinating our tantrum-reduction programs, the Infant Motivational Speaker's day is never dull!

» Diaper Washing Intern   An exciting internship opportunity for those interested in exploring the field of diaper-washing. This unpaid internship will offer hands-on experience in a number of industry techniques, including handwashing, bleach disinfection, and cutting-edge stain removal procedures.

» Home Economist   awaiting description from HR department

» CPS Liaison   awaiting description from HR department

» Virgin Chaperone   awaiting description from HR department